PARIS — Losing a pet can be a heart-wrenching experience, often hitting harder than one might expect, even months after the loss.
The emptiness can become palpable, whether it’s the absence of the soft footsteps of a cat or the missing joyful energy of a dog. Many pet owners find themselves unexpectedly alone in their grief, especially if those around them have difficulty understanding the bond between humans and their pets.
So, how can people manage this sorrow better? Experts suggest a few practical ideas for dealing with pet loss:
Acknowledge the pain
For many, losing a pet can hurt more than losing a human family member. This strong emotional response highlights the depth of the bonds we create with these animals. E.B. Bartels, author of “Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter,” explains that pets often serve as our closest companions. They are the ones we see daily, who share our personal spaces, and who bring us comfort.
For some, the loneliness they feel can be more intense because they may find it easier to connect with animals than people. When a pet passes away, it’s like losing a family member, and that grief is entirely valid.
Be there to listen
Those who haven’t owned pets may not fully grasp the depth of the loss. Well-meaning comments like, “It was just a pet” or “You can always get another one” can make grieving pet owners feel isolated. Annalisa de Carteret, who helps run pet-loss support services, encourages friends and family to just listen. Sometimes, the best thing to do is simply let them express their feelings without interruptions or judgment.
Grief knows no size
It’s important to remember that the sorrow felt from losing a pet isn’t determined by the animal’s species or size. For instance, the loss of a beloved fish could be as painful for someone as the loss of a dog for another person. Bartels recounts a story about a man who lost all his koi fish to a raccoon and how devastated he felt. To him, those fish represented a connection he cherished.
Friends can offer practical help, like inviting a grieving pet owner for a walk. This simple act can be a lifeline for someone who may feel estranged from their community after losing a pet.
Addressing feelings of guilt
A significant number of individuals reaching out for support after a pet’s death often battle feelings of guilt. They may think, “If only I had done this differently…” Such emotions are common and completely natural. De Carteret notes that it’s especially challenging for those who feel their grief for a pet may be greater than that for a family member, which can compound feelings of guilt.
Will a new pet help?
While adopting a new pet can bring comfort, it’s not a cure-all for the grief experienced. Every animal is unique, and a new pet won’t necessarily replace the cherished memories of a previous one. Additionally, if you had an adult pet, the prospect of training a lively puppy or kitten might feel daunting rather than joyful.
Ultimately, the grieving process takes time. The sadness may linger, but it is essential to find personal ways to cope. Bartels recalls losing her dog, Seymour, and anticipates feeling that same weight of sadness again when the anniversary of his passing comes around. For de Carteret, keeping her dog’s ashes nearby serves as a reminder of their bond, a way she’s chosen to honor her pet.
